Zoology Major
by Javin Pilotte
Summary: College!AU / OriginalShipping / When Red moves into Green's dormitory after Green scared Brock away, Green's emotionally organized life is thrown into a chaotic state. Jessie and James's commentary isn't helping much either.


Green scared his former roommate away when he strapped the slit-eyed boy onto his bed and told him he was going to try to perform plastic surgery so the boy can have large, beautiful eyes. At first, the boy only blinked at Green in disbelief and let out a sort of forced laughter that shook the legs supporting the mattress, as his eyes squinted into joyful crescents that were so small Green felt like he was looking at a rapidly waning moon.

That was one of the things that bugged Green the most - the nonexistent eyes Brock had. Green couldn't tell if Brock was looking at him or not. Hell, he wasn't sure if Brock could even _see_. Green was sure he couldn't, judging from Brock's horrible fashion sense (he had an inability to stray from the ugly combination of orange, green, and brown) and from his indiscriminate attraction to all girls (pretty or not).

But then Brock would say something like, "Your fly is down" and "You have food on your face" and Green would be confused again. It bothered him a lot - being observed by someone with no eyes.

When Jessie and James handed Green the screwdriver, the knife, and whatever else Green could use to pretend he was reshaping Brock's eyes, Brock finally took the situation seriously. He squirmed out of the straps and zipped down the dormitory hallway, screaming as high and loud as his voice box could endure, screaming as if he had seen a ghost. Green's plan was going smoothly. Together with Jessie and James, he had plotted to traumatize his roommate so much that the roommate would never come back and Green would have the place all to himself.

It was something only a jerk would do, but... he wasn't exactly known for his kindness around campus.

The noises woke up everyone in the residence and gave Green some unnecessary attention, but it was worth it. As planned, Brock was never seen again. Even though the tools hadn't even touched his eyes, Green thought Brock was probably too distressed to come back and become a productive society member again... not that he was a productive person in the first place.

Now Green had a room to himself, and Jessie and James could come over whenever they wanted to. But they wouldn't come often, because even though people thought the three of them were friends, their relationship was more like an alliance in the Union of College Jerks (which really did exist, under the guise of the Anti-Squirrel Club).

And for two weeks, it stayed that way. Peaceful and quiet.

Until Red came.

* * *

When Green found out a new roommate was in place, Jessie and James prepared a huge supply of water balloons for him within an hour. He was starting to wonder what those two were exactly doing with their lives, and he also started to wonder why he complied to their plan to declare a balloon war on the new guy, even though it was terrifically and horrifyingly childish.

"Actually this was my idea," Jessie bragged proudly. "Isn't this great?"

"Yeah," Green responded. "Congratulations on coming up with something only the number one loser would."

"Why, thank you." She flipped her hair, almost cheesily, so that the scent of her shampoo - which was a disgusting apple smell - filled the air.

Crazy bitch.

James looked away from the water balloons he was continuing to fill up and locked eyes with Jessie for a moment. A corner of their mouths twitched into a smile before they both burst into laughter. Green felt like he missed something, but he didn't feel as much confusion as a normal person would have.

Jessie and James did this often when they hung out - they would tell lame jokes with their eyes, and the next moment, they would be on the ground, trembling noisily and clutching at their stomachs. They should marry each other. Or something.

Green sighed in impatience just as the door to the apartment clicked open, and a boy with a red and white cap poked his head through the aperture. He seemed to have the same problem as Brock. Like how Brock seemed bound to wearing only three colors - green, brown, and orange - the dark haired freshman consistently stuck to the colors red, black, and white throughout his whole outfit. On the upside, he did have eyes. They shone a piercing, scarlet red.

When he shut the door after walking in, Jessie and James immediately started launching water balloons at him. All of Green's seating and carpet was being soaked without mercy, but he found himself immobile when he set his eyes on the freshman.

It took a pat on the back and James's mutter, "Aren't you going to join in?" to snap Green out of his daze and into the water balloon game.

Picking on freshmen was fun, Green guessed, when the boy ran into the bathroom and locked himself away from the attacks.

"I think Red officially hates us," James commented.

"That was the plan, James," Jessie replied.

* * *

Green later found a stuffed animal... a fucking stuffed animal, in his apartment in Red's room. It was a yellow mouse-rodent thing with a tail that looked like it was electrocuted when someone dropped a hairdryer in the bathtub or something.

Green wondered what Jessie and James would think if they saw it. Even though they would know it was Red's, he would never live it down. A college student? With a stuffed animal? Grow up already, they would say after spreading the rumor around the whole campus. Red and he would be known as the two kids who still had needed stuffed animals to sleep, who still watched Disney in the daytime while eating Gerber baby food. He needed to hide it, at least.

Green knelt down and tucked the toy under Red's bed, even though it was a little too fat for the space. He found out there were a lot of other things under Red's bed though, other than dust bunnies. There were balls with the same color scheme as Red's clothes that looked like they could open or something. Seriously, what the crap are these toys?

The door opened and Red appeared, holding a bag of groceries. "What are you doing with my Pikachu?" he asked Green immediately.

Green was interested in something else. "Is that food?"

"Why are you touching Pikachu?"

Green chuckled. "You named this thing? Oh god, you're so lame."

"Get out!" Red shouted, looking legitly frustrated. He grabbed Green by the hands and dragged him out the door. And then it shut.

Yeah, Red officially hated him.

* * *

It actually got the point that Red started hiding "Pokeballs" (what he called the red and white balls) in the bathroom. as if Green wouldn't find them (they were too obvious). He would be taking a crap and would reach to open the cabinet for some extra toilet paper, and some Pokeballs would roll out into the open.

Judging from spending a whole week with Red in his dorm, Green could only say three words. What. A. Weirdo.

* * *

"Look what I found," James sang, holding up a piece of paper and waving in the air as he made himself comfortable on Green's bed. Red was away with the Literature Club or something - Green didn't really care enough to know - so Jessie and James always came over at this time. "You might think, oh god, I don't need more things to read, but this is what Red turned into the professor today. One of them English professors. Heh."

"So you stole it?" Green asked.

"Yeah. Heh."

"What's so funny?" Green inquired, uncapping a soda can and drinking from it.

"Just read it," Jessie said, also sitting on the bed. She crossed her legs and her arms and watched Green carefully as James read the paper out loud.

"Oh, Green, how I love you. So passionately. You completely enchant me. I remember that one night when you came into my room and you pinned me down and-"

Green spit the drink out into James's lap and started coughing. With no intent to help at all, Jessie walked over and pounded on his back.

"Calm down," James said. "I was just kidding. This is just a sappy, innocent, love poem. Or did you like the twisted version that much? Should I continue? We all know what happens next, right?"

A blush spread across Green's face, but he was too busy coughing to defend himself.

"Ohohohohoho!" Jessie exclaimed, wiggling her eyebrows up suggestively.

"Guys." Cough. "No. I just-" Cough. "It just surprised me." Cough.

"Yeah... right," Jessie replied. She had no intention on believing him.

"I'm going to tell Red you have perverted thoughts about him!" James exclaimed excitedly. Green wondered why they were such kindergarteners.

"Oh god." Cough. "I hate you guys so fuckin much."

* * *

When Red came back, Jessie and James were already gone. He had a bag of books or something, but it wasn't food, so it didn't interest Green too much. Green just laid on the red carpet floor, sighing and rolling occasionally.

"What are you doing?" Red asked, shutting the door with his foot because his hands were too full.

"Did Jessie and James tell you anything weird?"

"Why do you always answer my questions with other questions?"

Green paused. "Because your questions are too boring to answer."

Red sighed and turned around to mess with the air conditioning controls for a moment and setting the books outside his room before laying down right next to Green. His black hair fell according to gravity as he flipped onto his side and was face to face with Green.

Green flipped so that his back was facing Red. He couldn't even look Red in the eye without feeling strange. It was ridiculous. "What are you doing now?" he asked Red.

"It looked comfortable."

"You could find another place to lay. There's a whole room of carpet."

"It looked more comfortable here."

Green took a moment to breathe and calm down his heartbeat. "Why is that?"

"Because you're here."

"Hah, you're funny."

Red was silent. They breathed softly for a few more moments while laying on the carpet without saying anything. The humming of the vents and the laundry washer vibrated through the house, and Green felt like, just for a moment, they should stay like that forever. "Why were you in my room that night?" Red finally asked.

"What?"

Red continued, "I remember that one night when you came into my room and-"

Green sat up, face flushing red, as he was reminded of what James pretended to read outloud on the piece of paper. "I didn't do anything like that!" he shouted.

"You messed with my Pikachu."

Green fell back on the carpet. "Oh," he breathed.

"Why did you get so worked up?"

Green changed the subject, wrapping his arms around himself. "Why is it so cold? How much did you turn the fucking air on?" He shivered, finally noticing the change.

"But this is normal, isn't it?"

"No, it ain't. Where did you even live before? Alaska? Greenland? The Siberia?"

"It was a mountain."

"Oh, that explains everything. Who else did you live with? Because I swear Jessie must've come from there, being the cold-hearted bitch she is. James must lived under the mountain though. Or a rock. 'Cause he's freaking clueless and immature."

"I actually didn't really live with anyone. It was kind of... just the mountain and me."

"Alone?"

"Something like that."

* * *

Green woke up to realize Red had rolled over and buried his face into Green's shoulder. The dark hair softly brushed against Green's neck, and the warm breath fluttered under his chin. They remained there for a moment, until Red muttered softly, "Good morning," with his eyes closed, before pushing himself upright and leaving.

Green sat up and blinked rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes to the light streaming in the window, except once he did, he didn't see the window. He saw a red and a purple head. He wished they were like, cabbage heads or something, but unfortunately they were just humanoid poopsticks named Jessie and James. Not literally, of course.

"Had a nice nap?" Jessie asked.

"How did you get in?" Green asked.

"The door wasn't closed all the way," James replied.

Green sighed. Red and his stupid foot couldn't even close the door right.

"Why don't you just ask him out?" Jessie asked.

"I dare you to kiss him while you're at it," James said.

"What?"

"Too hard for you?" James asked.

"I knew it," Jessie commented. "You're just a wuss after all."

Green stood up and said, "You guys have the wrong idea. I can do it; I just don't want to."

"That's what they all say," Jessie murmured, rolling her eyes.

Green couldn't stand being talked to condescendingly like this. Incapable? A wuss? He hated being called those things. "I'll do it," he said "Only on one condition."

They both looked at him curiously, and it seemed like all of the control in the conversation was handed to him just now. "What do you want?" Jessie asked.

"It's just for James," Green said. "James, come here. Lend me your ear while it's still attached, will you?"

"He'll just tell me afterward," Jessie said, turning away and losing interest. "You don't have to be all secretive about it."

"If you say so," Green replied before leaning toward James ear. "You're head over heels in love with Jessie, aren't you?" he whispered. When James's cheeks turned red, Green smiled and continued, "Why don't you propose to her?"

"Let's back out!" James shouted.

"What?" Jessie asked. "We're totally not backing out on this, James! What did he say to you? Whatever he said... ugh, we're not going to lose to this loser! Don't let him beat you."

"But Jessie-" James started.

"No!" Jessie shouted. And with that, she exited while dragging James out. He looked like he was about to cry. Green could already envision them as a wedded couple.

But he still had to do it, if he was going to protect his pride.

* * *

_**A/N:** Dedicated to my lovely Mystia Katsuragi. I do not own the picture. This was supposed to be done a year ago, but I never got around to editing it and so I just decided to post it. I actually don't know as much about Pokemon as I would like, but I hope this would suffice and if there are any mistakes, feel free to criticize and give me pointers. This is part one out of two. At least, I hope it is two. I don't write much fanfiction. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot. It still could be; I just wanted to divide it here. By the way, sorry for all the scene changes; I have a short attention span~ Thanks for reading!_


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